Hayden has been an interesting study in change, how long it takes to get from point A to point B, the pathways to reach there.
Hayden has not been a straightforward horse. She is like a puzzle box, in possession of secret compartments in which she holds onto things. Unlocking these compartments — even finding them at all — is a challenge, but necessary work considering what she keeps inside them is oftentimes dangerous.
Hayden has a pretty significant changing eyes spot (speaking of change) meaning that she is not comfortable switching from eye to eye. Losing sight of something as she switches from left to right, or left to right, often sends her into a scramble. While we have spent quite a bit of time on this, and while it has improved, there are still certain stimuli that make it feel as though we are starting at square one. It’s a frustrating problem to have, because it means that, despite our best efforts, she is holding on to her habit to escape — a natural response in the horse, yes, but one which we hope to help the horse understand is not necessary if they find balance in their feet, and trust in their handler.
For a mare like Hayden, whose sense of self-preservation and internalization is so high, it’s difficult to know when you are truly helping her find peace, or if she is simply going through the motions with the trouble still beneath the surface. Some horses go through life this way — a little bothered, a little bottled, but still manage to get along fine with their handlers and riders. But at this point, this is not Hayden. Those little spots that set her off do so in unpredictable and explosive ways. She will buck, she will run (you over), she will paw. Not every time, and with less frequency than before, but the potential is there.
Hayden has made substantial progress in the work we’ve done together. She is beginning to let down more and more, and is finding comfort in people that she didn’t used to. But the route to point B has been long and winding, with many side-paths and dips in the road that make it seem as though sometimes we are going backwards. But no matter how long the journey, what matters is that we keep showing up and trying to show Hayden how to be a little more at peace each session. Sometimes the journey really is the destination.
